We are in Week 5 right now... 3 stories left to be posted until we're caught up, plus this weekend's story.
She left my apartment about an hour ago... As she took her walk of shame, she tried to shame me. Am I a bad person, as she said? Am I pathetic? Am I... mean? She told me that other people have feelings and it's not right to play around with them... But she also told me that she was voted "Best Blowjob" in High School.
So now I don't know what to think... The head was nothing special.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
January: Week One
So I decided to create a blog the second month of my journey... so we're gonna have to catch up.
JANUARY
Week One: "The Party"
It was the first week back from winter break, and my friends and I decided that it was the perfect time to throw a party. We got a bunch of kegs and invited a bunch of people... we wanted this thing to be huge. My friend from DC decided to come down for a visit, and brought his sister, who's name I have since forgotten, but she was tall as fuck, and his sister's friend, "Carrie", and they all planned on staying at my place. By the time they arrived I was already well on my way to black out. My friend and I do a couple of shots of tequila as the girls freshen up in my bathroom. As we leave my apartment to go to the party, he whispers in my ear, "My sister's friend wants to fuck you." Yeah? Cool. It's too early in the night to make any plans about that but I tuck that thought away in the back of my mind for later.
I have to hook up with a girl tonight... if I fuck this thing up in the first week then there's no point in even trying. So I talk to every fucking girl at the party. And there are a lot of girls at this party. I was overwhelmed, so many options, so many ways to fuck this thing up... The clock is ticking. I see my ex girlfriend, "Kirsten" with a group of girls that for the most part rock my fucking socks off. Too bad she hates me... The break up was an emotional Hiroshima. But that was more than a year ago, maybe enough time has passed where we can patch up our differences and move on. I walk up and say hello, and she introduces me to all her friends. Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought. Her one friend in particular "Rachel," was my favorite, and I spent a large portion of time talking to her... however, she turned out to be "Kirsten's" like, best friend and "Kirsten" told her specifically not to hook up with me... I may be able to work past that some day but probably not. So she always gets tucked away in my mind in the folder marked maybe. The conversation comes to a natural stop and I turn to see "Carrie" staring at me from a dark corner. Creepy. I decide to see what's up.
We make our way to the dance floor and start to dance. She's an awful dancer and when she kisses me I feel like I'm getting face fucked by an electric eel. Oh, well she's sleeping over anyway... looks like I'm stuck with this one. On the walk home she stops about... I don't know, a million fucking times to talk to guys. This girl is trying to get fucked by literally anyone, and it's kind of annoying, but guess what, I'm fucking stuck with her and all of her shit's in my apartment, so she's stuck with me. At least she looks okay in a certain light... specifically, none. So the first thing I do when I get into my room is flick the light switch off. We start making out in my bed and taking our clothes off. She asks me if I have a condom, and I go and put one on.
"Wait, we can't."
"Why not?"
"Why do you think?"
"I don't know... You just said you want to."
"I'm on period. I just remembered."
What. The. Fuck. Fuck you. Sidebar... Girl's don't fucking bother going home with a guy if you're on your period. It's a huge waste of time. No guy wants to sit in his bed and make out with you for hours on end. That's boring. I'm not in high school anymore and neither are most of the girls that I hook up with.
"I don't care. It doesn't bother me."
"Really?"
In reality, it bothers the fuck out of me. That's disgusting, but guess what, when I make a resolution I stick to it. I am doing this no matter what I have to do. Also, how the fuck do you forget you're on your period... I feel like if I had blood coming out of me for a week it would probably be on my mind pretty much constantly. So she walks to the bathroom, I guess to take her tampon out and I lay in bed with a huge boner and a condom on my dick. She comes back in and lies down next to me... and then she changes her mind.
"I'm just not in the mood..."
"You were in the mood a second ago."
"I'm just not now... can't we just cuddle."
No. We cannot cuddle. I have this condom on my dick. I start licking her ear and kissing her neck. All of a sudden she pushes me down, and gets on top of me.
"Okay let's do this shit."
"What the fuck!"
"Do you have a condom?"
"It's still on my dick from before!"
"Why did you do that?"
"Because you told me to!"
"Uh... no I didn't."
Yes, she did. This girl is a serious flip flopper... Well at least we're fucking now. I flip her over and get on top.
"Go slow... I'm really sensitive."
"Okay."
"Slower."
"Okay."
"No... slower."
I am fucking in slo-mo.
This is the most boring thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am laying on top of a girl and fucking her like a sea turtle. This is how old people do it. I think to myself maybe it will be better if she's on top, if it gets boring I can just fall asleep. She gets on top, and I start to fall asleep, until she suddenly grabs my angles and leans all the way back, nearly snapping my dick off in the process.
"What the fuck!"
She leans back up and asks me if I liked that. The answer is no. Then she does it again. I'm lying down and my dick is making an obtuse angle with my stomach. Fuck this. I push her over and get back on top and thrust for a few more minutes at a snail's pace and then grunt a bunch and pretend to cum. Then I get up and go to the bathroom and jerk off. She's passed out by the time I get back.
JANUARY
Week One: "The Party"
It was the first week back from winter break, and my friends and I decided that it was the perfect time to throw a party. We got a bunch of kegs and invited a bunch of people... we wanted this thing to be huge. My friend from DC decided to come down for a visit, and brought his sister, who's name I have since forgotten, but she was tall as fuck, and his sister's friend, "Carrie", and they all planned on staying at my place. By the time they arrived I was already well on my way to black out. My friend and I do a couple of shots of tequila as the girls freshen up in my bathroom. As we leave my apartment to go to the party, he whispers in my ear, "My sister's friend wants to fuck you." Yeah? Cool. It's too early in the night to make any plans about that but I tuck that thought away in the back of my mind for later.
I have to hook up with a girl tonight... if I fuck this thing up in the first week then there's no point in even trying. So I talk to every fucking girl at the party. And there are a lot of girls at this party. I was overwhelmed, so many options, so many ways to fuck this thing up... The clock is ticking. I see my ex girlfriend, "Kirsten" with a group of girls that for the most part rock my fucking socks off. Too bad she hates me... The break up was an emotional Hiroshima. But that was more than a year ago, maybe enough time has passed where we can patch up our differences and move on. I walk up and say hello, and she introduces me to all her friends. Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought. Her one friend in particular "Rachel," was my favorite, and I spent a large portion of time talking to her... however, she turned out to be "Kirsten's" like, best friend and "Kirsten" told her specifically not to hook up with me... I may be able to work past that some day but probably not. So she always gets tucked away in my mind in the folder marked maybe. The conversation comes to a natural stop and I turn to see "Carrie" staring at me from a dark corner. Creepy. I decide to see what's up.
We make our way to the dance floor and start to dance. She's an awful dancer and when she kisses me I feel like I'm getting face fucked by an electric eel. Oh, well she's sleeping over anyway... looks like I'm stuck with this one. On the walk home she stops about... I don't know, a million fucking times to talk to guys. This girl is trying to get fucked by literally anyone, and it's kind of annoying, but guess what, I'm fucking stuck with her and all of her shit's in my apartment, so she's stuck with me. At least she looks okay in a certain light... specifically, none. So the first thing I do when I get into my room is flick the light switch off. We start making out in my bed and taking our clothes off. She asks me if I have a condom, and I go and put one on.
"Wait, we can't."
"Why not?"
"Why do you think?"
"I don't know... You just said you want to."
"I'm on period. I just remembered."
What. The. Fuck. Fuck you. Sidebar... Girl's don't fucking bother going home with a guy if you're on your period. It's a huge waste of time. No guy wants to sit in his bed and make out with you for hours on end. That's boring. I'm not in high school anymore and neither are most of the girls that I hook up with.
"I don't care. It doesn't bother me."
"Really?"
In reality, it bothers the fuck out of me. That's disgusting, but guess what, when I make a resolution I stick to it. I am doing this no matter what I have to do. Also, how the fuck do you forget you're on your period... I feel like if I had blood coming out of me for a week it would probably be on my mind pretty much constantly. So she walks to the bathroom, I guess to take her tampon out and I lay in bed with a huge boner and a condom on my dick. She comes back in and lies down next to me... and then she changes her mind.
"I'm just not in the mood..."
"You were in the mood a second ago."
"I'm just not now... can't we just cuddle."
No. We cannot cuddle. I have this condom on my dick. I start licking her ear and kissing her neck. All of a sudden she pushes me down, and gets on top of me.
"Okay let's do this shit."
"What the fuck!"
"Do you have a condom?"
"It's still on my dick from before!"
"Why did you do that?"
"Because you told me to!"
"Uh... no I didn't."
Yes, she did. This girl is a serious flip flopper... Well at least we're fucking now. I flip her over and get on top.
"Go slow... I'm really sensitive."
"Okay."
"Slower."
"Okay."
"No... slower."
I am fucking in slo-mo.
This is the most boring thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am laying on top of a girl and fucking her like a sea turtle. This is how old people do it. I think to myself maybe it will be better if she's on top, if it gets boring I can just fall asleep. She gets on top, and I start to fall asleep, until she suddenly grabs my angles and leans all the way back, nearly snapping my dick off in the process.
"What the fuck!"
She leans back up and asks me if I liked that. The answer is no. Then she does it again. I'm lying down and my dick is making an obtuse angle with my stomach. Fuck this. I push her over and get back on top and thrust for a few more minutes at a snail's pace and then grunt a bunch and pretend to cum. Then I get up and go to the bathroom and jerk off. She's passed out by the time I get back.
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